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All reviews - Movies (4) - Music (2) - Games (1)

This game must be a joke.

Posted : 8 years, 5 months ago on 15 July 2010 03:38 (A review of Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing)

In Big Rigs, your objective (really, the game has an objective?) is to drive through all the checkpoints with trucks, "big rigs", while delivering illegal cargo and escaping the police (there are no any police in the actual game, or no cargo/any objective) and get to the goal before your opponent does. You can pick from Custom Race (pick your own vehicle and track) and Random Race (picks your own vehicle and track by random).

The trucks, which have no difference to eachother minus the outlook:
* Thunder
* Megaone
* Thunderbull (which seems to have a trailer but it really doesn't)
* Sunrise W12 (which, actually, HAS a trailer even in the game)

The tracks:
* Devil Passage 1
* Devil Passage 2
* Forgotten Road 1 (there's not a Forgotten Road 2 etc, dunno why there's a 1)
* Nightride (crashes the game)
* Small Town Road

And now for the review itself. This game must be a fucking joke. First of all, the so-called opponent doesn't even move. The opponent just is still for the whole game while you drive somewhere around the track. You can't lose. And when you 'win' the whole game, you get this infamous victory screen (displayed below). Note that you can win the whole game by doing nothing, atleast sometimes. Also there are very, very long loading screens, which feature a car which actually isn't in the game.

And now for the physics. For example, when you try to drive on a bridge in Forgotten Road 1, you fall under the bridge. And come back again. Yay. Then, you can just be still and press arrow keys down and left/right. An infinite reverse donut which speeds up. When you let go of the button, it just stops immediately. And you can drive anywhere you want (with a horribly handling truck), even a hill straight up. And don't mind about obstacles, because you can drive through them! But, when you go to the edge of the track, it's just nothing. It's nothing that you can drive on. And then come back to the track. Oh yeah, I forgot to remind that the tracks feature the surrounding terrain on top of the asphalt. I think I've already proved how lame the programming is.

There is a speed meter (which actually works somehow) and a meter (called "Ultranav") that provides you the number of laps (it's always "01/01"), time and points (which really makes no actual use). And then there's the checkpoints marked. And don't forget the green coding on the right, which makes no sense. They probably forgot it there (even though I want to think this is a joke). And for the graphics, it's really bad. The brake lights float off of the truck models

And then the non-game facts. When you press the Escape button in the middle of the game, there's "Return to Game" and "Quit to Windows". If you press the latter one, you end up in the main menu. Then there's the options: you can set the quality of terrain, textures and effects and the density of nature. These don't really change anything, and when you click on the effects quality or the density of nature, they both change! It doesn't even save your settings. High Scores shows you the high scores, duh. There's a name with the high score, but you can't change the name, it's just "Driver1". Credits show you the makers of the game. The sound is made by Alex Burton. Poor Alex, it must be hard doing nothing. And then you can exit. That's the best part of the entire game.

As a complete, this is utter crap. This is just plain crap. It's horrible in every way you can imagine. There's nothing good about it. I don't recommend this game to anyone with a two-digit IQ. But, I want everyone to play this game, because it's free to download (it's completely free; you don't have to pay anything) and you can experience one of the worst games ever.

PS. Stellar Stone, the maker of the game, released a patch where your opponent actually moves, there are sound effects, and the broken Nightride track is replaced with a mirror version of Devil Passage 1 that doesn't crash the game. The "You're Winner" screen also reads "You Win".

UPDATE: Somehow, Small Town Road works now. The stage is even more bad than the other three: there are no hills or whatever to drive on. Notice the word "on". Instead, you drive IN the hills.

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A good showcase of the band's diversity.

Posted : 8 years, 6 months ago on 29 May 2010 05:37 (A review of Fairyport)

Fairyport is the third album released by the Finnish progressive rock band Wigwam in 1971. Fairyport is one of the most acclaimed Wigwam LPs along with the deep pop representer Nuclear Nightclub (1975) and Jukka Gustavson's political satire Being (1974). Fairyport is my personal favourite by Wigwam, because it's a good showcase of the band's diversity. Let's take a look why.

Side A
The album starts with Losing Hold, Wigwam's greatest track ("Häätö" comes close though). It's the only track done by Gustavson, Pohjola and Pembroke together. It's also interesting because Gustavson sings Pembroke's lyrics. This kind of co-operation should've been done more. The song is an excellent showcase of Jukka Gustavson's organ playing and Ronnie Österberg's drumming. It's followed by Lost Without a Trace, a soft ballad, which is one of the best Pembroke tracks ever, being carried only with a piano and a guitar. The song is actually quite famous; I heard that Barbara Streisand wanted to cover it. If it's true I don't know. Then comes Fairyport, the title track and the first part of Gustavson's Joined to Conscience. The song showcases especially the skills of Gustavson: he is technically as great as Keith Emerson or Rick Wakeman, and emotionally puts his mind even more into the music.

Side B
Side turn. Joined to Conscience continues. Gray Traitors has a pretty simple melody with text that could be said to preceed the album Being. Cafffkaff, the Country Psychologist (my god, what a name!) has a great bass solo by Pekka Pohjola and May Your Will Be Done, Dear Lord has got its greatest power on the horn sections. All in all, Joined to Conscience is a good entity with dark lyrics and complex instrumentation. After that comes Pembroke's How To Make It Big in Hospital, which is not such a strong song. The bongos and the guitar work, making it listenable and a good song to move your head to.

Side C
Side turn. The three songs of Pekka Pohjola come. The first of the three, Hot Mice is powered by the keyboards and the violin, making it a very atmospheric track. P.K's Supermarket (the strange song titles are by Pembroke) is a baroque humppa, polka or something, being almost entirely played by Pohjola (bass, piano, celesta and harpsichord) and is the album's most hilarious track. The third and last Pohjola track, One More Try features Jim Pembroke's lyrics and singing. The music itself is very mixed, changing from an atmosphere to another. It's a rare Wigwam track or a rare track where Pohjola contributes at all: Pohjola plays guitar (even though not very good)! After that, Pembroke's Rockin' Ol' Galway. The track ain't much of a Wigwam song, but still a good song, which rocks like it promises. Pembroke continues with Every Fold, which is a strong emotion outburst. This is a fantastic end to the album. But wait...

Side D + CD re-issue
Side turn. Side D is entirely filled with the live jam called "Rave-Up For The Roadies". It's a splendid showcase of the band's live energy, even though if you want to really hear them sound awesome live you should buy their live album "Live Music from the Twillight Zone". The CD re-issue includes a live performance of Losing Hold and Finlandia (a classic composition by Jean Sibelius). Finlandia doesn't quite sound Finlandia, but it's pretty OK.

All in all, Fairyport is a great album, Wigwam's greatest longplay and better than Tombstone Valentine (maybe because of the improved guitar sounds of Jukka Tolonen; in Tombstone, there was too much guitar by Tolonen and the guitar sound was too raw to enjoy), which shows the true talent of the band.

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Best album of Nirvana as overall.

Posted : 8 years, 8 months ago on 14 April 2010 02:49 (A review of In Utero)

I once did a review of In Utero, but I realized it was so crappy I took it away. Let's try again.

Yeah, so In Utero is the third (if you count Incesticide, fourth) and final studio album by my favourite band Nirvana. This record is easily compared to Nevermind, and when I first heard this, I don't understand why (even though I compare this album to Nevermind or Bleach many times). Nevermind was more of a pop-influenced album with a grunge edge, and In Utero is more raw, more noisy, more punk than Nevermind. So yeah.

The album starts off with "Serve the Servants", which is somewhat a good summary of In Utero. The rhythm group (Krist and Dave) plays heavily and in a normal tempo, the distorted guitar spanks out some hard riffs and Kurt's whisper-scream vocals finish the set. This is how it's usually done. But on some tracks, the formula is broken. "Scentless Apprentice", "Very Ape", "Milk It", "Radio Friendly Unit Shifter" and "Tourette's" are faster and/or harsher tracks, similar to some early Nirvana songs like "Downer" or "Floyd the Barber". Meanwhile, "Dumb" and "All Apologies" are acoustic pop grunge, which are finished by cello tracks. And there's the third group: "Heart-Shaped Box", "Rape Me", "Frances Farmer" (my favourite track from this album)" and "Pennyroyal Tea", which could fit as well as Nevermind, minus the depression that is even more clear on these tracks than in any track in Nevermind. And when you think it's all over after "All Apologies", wait a bit and you'll hear the sleepy, completely improvised song "Gallons of Rubbing Alcohol Flow Through The Strip". Even though Kurt was really down post-Nevermind, when Kurt says "One more solo", I wonder that atleast some positive went through his head at the time.

I think the album has no downs at all. Nevermind has maybe the most number of songs that I like to move my head to, but considering as a whole album, In Utero is my favourite album; cleaner than Bleach, but harder than Nevermind.

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A great movie and one of the landmarks of Burton.

Posted : 8 years, 10 months ago on 23 February 2010 07:31 (A review of Edward Scissorhands)

Edward Scissorhands is a 1990s comedy-drama fantasy film directed by Tim Burton and starred by Johnny Depp. Before you have seen the movie, it might be easy to think that this is just another stupid comedic fantasy just like the late Harry Potters. But just because of Tim Burton's magic brains, the movie is very, very good.

Edward is an unfinished man, with scissors in place of hands. Peg Boggs, a local Avon saleswoman finds Edward and takes him to the suburb, where Edward falls in love with the Boggs' teenage daughter Kim and meets the upsides of regular life - but unfortunately, the downsides of the life become too much for Edward.

When watching the movie, you have to notice how much the movie provokes feelings. My sympathy was all the time on Edward's side. Even though the movie has hints towards a camp-comedy, the movie has still luckily got enough fantasy to be really good, because comedy fantasys rarely succeed anywhere. There isn't really much music, but when it comes it feels like a magic takeoff to the sky. Tim Burton's movies are all united by awesome special effects which win every CGI movie six to zero.

Everyone knows that Tim Burton is a great director, and just his presence makes the movie feel like a tale, like a magic literature turned into film. The actor choices are OK, even though none of the actors is really groundbreaking in the movie, just average (I have to admit, Johnny Depp is a better actor for Edward than what you would think!). The screenplay is good, and every character has been perfectly suited for the screenplay, making it sound like natural.

All in all, Edward Scissorhands is a great movie and one of the landmarks of Tim Burton, which I recommend watching when you have a feeling that those Harry Potters and other overproduced, CGI-filled average fantasy movies are being seen already, the first movie you should watch after that is Edward Scissorhands.

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You can love it or you can hate it.

Posted : 8 years, 10 months ago on 12 February 2010 06:29 (A review of The Fast and the Furious (2001))

Everyone knows, what street racing means: mainly sexy and beautiful women, racing cars tuned to their top speed and rap techno blasting from the stereos. The Fast and the Furious is a movie that causes prejudices. You can think it's perfect trash or excellent action entertainment. Luckily, The Fast and the Furious does not belong to the first category, but it doesn't belong either in the second category.

Brian O'Connor is a young cop, whose task is to infiltrate the team of the L.A street racing king Dominic (Vin Diesel) in order to investigate the stolen trucks. Nobody notices Brian being a cop, until Leon (Johnny Strong) from the team starts to suspect. Brian, however succeeds to hide his true identity and falls in love with Mia (Jordana Brewster), Dominic's sister. In the end, Brian has to decide if he's on the side of Dominic or the cops. A pretty clichy plot, but you can't fit in any other plot than the aforementioned.

The movie divides opinions. My first notice was that the movie rides along on the outlook of the movie instead of the true values, and this interests a teenager after another. The screenwork is excellent and the effects are classy, making the flying pieces of junk look good. Unfortunately the soundtrack is techno rap or alternative metal, which I both dislike a bit.

The directing is pretty much medium. Rob Cohen has made the movie look professional, but it won't be a big merit in Cohen's CV. The screenplay is also excellent, when they're not talking about cars: annoying talk, which you hear too much looking at the show "Pimp My Ride". The actor choices are good (expect for the annoying Chad Lindberg, who sticks out like a sore thumb as Jesse), even though the only memorable actor is Vin Diesel, the king of racing movies.

All in all, you can love it or you can hate it. After a very long decision, I hated this more than what I liked, but this movie has got it's ups too. It's a shame that the ups are hidden by the outside, which bases on sex, ladies, violence, swearing and cars. I recommend the movie to racing movie fans and big consumers of action movies, to others I recommend this to watch as Saturday night entertainment with caution.

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Greatest boxing movie ever.

Posted : 8 years, 10 months ago on 4 February 2010 02:31 (A review of Rocky (1976))

Rocky is the greatest boxing movie ever. Rocky is a tale about a poor boxer, the Italian-American Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone), who earns his living by breaking thumbs and boxing. One day, Rocky is selected to fight against the worldwide champion Apollo Creed (Carl Weathers) in a match to celebrate the 200th birthday of the U.S. On the way to the fight, he is supported by his friend Paulie (Burt Young), Paulie's sister and Rocky's girlfriend Adrian (Talia Shire) and coach Mickey (Burgess Meredith).

Once you've seen the movie, you can't do nothing but wonder how awesome the movie is. Sylvester Stallone is a man in his role, and Talia Shire is a real beauty. John G. Avildsen can direct, and I mean that he can surely direct. The plan is simple, and yet manages to keep the viewer awake for the whole 2 hours. The movie is full of great feeling and drama. Also, Rocky serves as a loose autobiography of Sylvester Stallone, who has picked something of his own to the movie, even though you wouldn't believe it basing on the final product. And on the top of everything is that sweet soundtrack.

All in all, Rocky is a movie, which sadly will be in comparison with the later parts of the series, but it doesn't matter, because Rocky is an important movie, and, just like I said, the greatest boxing movie ever.

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Really good, but strange as hell.

Posted : 8 years, 10 months ago on 31 January 2010 03:30 (A review of Pink Floyd: The Wall)

Pink Floyd is one of the best progressive rock bands ever, and The Wall is one of their best albums. Once you've seen this movie, you know that even better.

Pink Floyd: The Wall is a tale about a rock star called Pink, who snaps one day caused by his hard past and he creates a "wall" around himself, into which he escapes. Pink is stressed by things such as his father's death, noone loving him when he was young, teachers, his wife's betrayal and finally, after the magnificent "Comfortably Numb", he becomes a neo-Nazi leader in his mind.

The music obviously works. The choices for the actors are also good for this extraordinary movie. 15 minutes of the movie is animation, which make the movie even better in its own way. Everyone who has seen the movie remembers the marching hammers and the scene where the students are being made into meat. The Wall seems to be a dream of a movie freak: animation, bombastic music, rock music, making fun of Nazis, relationships, nudity and art. ART. Art is the keyword of the movie, and you can see that the movie isn't made just for profit.

Unfortunately The Wall has got its problems, too. The characters speak somewhat unclearly and quiet most of the time, which makes watching the movie weak if you don't have subtitles. And why "The Show Must Go On" is not here, but "When The Tigers Broke Free" is? Oh well. Also, when you're watching the movie on DVD, using the menus can be hard at first.

Even though it's got it's own flaws, Pink Floyd: The Wall is an good art movie, and a great movie for fans of Pink Floyd or progrock at overall, and not just for them. Not perfect, but it's areally good (even though strange as hell) movie.

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